In 1996-2000 there were TV series shown - "The Pretender" - about the man genius who could be anyone he wanted, i.e. he could "flawlessly impersonate anyone in virtually any line of work".
What is the ability of a genius, is also an ability of every man but to different extent. At least I believe in this. So it wasn't just a charismatic look of the Pretender (Michael T. Weiss) that would grip you watching the series, but the idea of this human potential of becoming anyone he wanted in professional level and in the same life time.
Anyone who has changed his occupation, profession or interest field in life at least once do have this feeling of being a "pretender" and have motioned the human potential of being anyone desired. The extent of it depends individually, of course.
I have had this strong feeling of being a "pretender" several times in my life. Being a dancer from my early childhood years led me to dream only about a career of a dancer and seek perfectionism in it, though in my late teenage year I found passion for photography that I think was in the family as my father has been an amateur self taught photographer having his own old photo making equipment, chemicals, films, shiny papers, dark room...that all built into some magical sense for me as being a child. I didn't go into deep at photography at that time and I have even lost my black and white films and photos of that time.
My biggest transformation was leaving a career of a dancer for study of psychology - I took my BA and MA degree in it and I can say I was passionate about it and yes, I was good at it. I knew I could do a lot in this field. If I wanted to... And that's where I had my first doubts. I sacrificed my biggest passion - dance for psychology (and always had a feeling of being a bird with cut wings since then) and suddenly found myself in doubt if it really was the field I want to devote myself to... This was the point in life where I started my dance therapy groups and my new passionate study on merging dance, art, expression and psychology.
My second biggest transformation was finding textiles - felt and becoming - an artist? self taught. artistic soul? I haven't actually found the right word for myself till now.
I knew so little about textile before and suddenly I was so into it spending days and nights studying and practicing it on my own, experimenting, trying to feel it.
I do feel I am doing the right thing at the right time of my life now. I enjoy discovering the textile world and feel it is so strongly connected with discovering world itself, nature and life. And being a therapy for one's soul as I once said...
What actually made me think of the human potential for "pretending" (which is actually not the direct meaning of pretending to be someone you are not, but in the meaning used in the series - really becoming someone else) was my renewed interest in photography. I must say I don't know any technical rules, even any basics of it, I usually shoot driven by feelings, by something one can only sense without any scientific explanations. And suddenly I wanted to know it all, not just experiment with setting different numbers on my camera, but know what those numbers mean and what exactly I am doing.
I spent a couple of evenings trying to make several self portraits and just got a feeling that I would need another lifetime for discovering what photography really was... Or just felt too tired yet for another potential of being a pretender again in my life.
And there are so many other things I still want to learn and keep on discovering... that it really blows my mind how other humans manage to learn and keep all the information, and skills they develop in so many fields in the same life time... And where do they get all the time in the world for doing that?
We are learning all our life and after. Learning on its' global perspective is living... But I would need hundreds of life times for learning everything I want now... Yet it doesn't prevent me from enjoying those few things that I've learned in life and keep on doing. And it leads to belief that every minute left of this life time would be full of joy of discovery.
And yet I do get confused when someone asks me now - who are you?..
A "pretender", I guess.
6 comments:
Wonderful post, Vilte!
I would say you are a genuine, deep, talented human being!
I'm immensely happy to know you at least in the virtual world!
Aren't we all pretenders? Making ourselves in the image of those we see around us? Few are completely self sufficient without desire to please others, if any at all.
To soak up as much as possible of this magical life without trying to fulfill the picture you think you should. Just trying to live life best fitting for you is a true art.
In each life there pass phases of need and desire, to be able to flow from the one to the next without regret and hindsight make life magical and worth living each and every second.
Creativity makes life all the more an exciting adventure to be savoured.
I am very glad for the online world where soulmates can meet and share the wonder of life in all it's aspects. Very glad to have met you to enrich my world.
i'm so glad you wrote all this, its great to know more about who you are and how you got to where you are right now.
sounds like you are in an introspective period and making more moves and changes...i know you have an eye for photography, better than me..i will never know or understand or want to know all the numbers and meanings of a camera. i even took a class once and never got it or retained it.
you photos continue to blow me away and see improvement and style in each one.
It was great to read your story. It's true that this life is quite short, that's why it would be important to find out what is essential. Or just try to make things that you enjoy at each moment. Everything has its own precious moment, I think.
thank you all for your thoughts and feedback... "Pretender".. I meant it in the meaning it was used in those series, not in a meaning of pretending to be someone you are not.. Pretender is the one who actually can be anyone, BE, not pretend to be... I just loved this idea, and I see this potential in all of us, not just genius like the characted in the series. I am not a genius, I am a simple human, who is going through his paths in life, even the tiniest ones, even if they lead you to the same place after a long wandering. That is life. Life of learning.
and I am really happy to have met you all in this virtual world. All people met in our ways give us some teachings, insights..i've received a lot in the past half a year when I started more intense internet communication and got to know you all.. I feel grateful..
great job Vilte, love your creations
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