Matrix of Life

Do you ever get a feeling of coming so close to the matrix, strange scheme of Life that you can not actually understand consciously or describe it in words? Just a feeling of approaching something so majestical and huge, something alive, something pulsating and so precisely concerted?

I've had a heartfelt conversation recently with a man who lost his colleague - she died in the mountains, killed by snowslide, rockfall...

For almost a year she was losing interest in their business and gradually passed all the burden to him as if she knew she was passing and wanted him to adapt to all the load he would have when she is gone.

She had just finished renovating her house and the colour she chose for all her interior...was white. Architects have a prejudice that a man who chooses all white interior has just put a step to the other world, the world of those who have left this Earth. And she built a round partere in her yard that wasn't filled with flowers..it was all filled with stones. Stones killed her in the mountains.

Just before she left to the mountains, she had her renovated house sanctified. And then she left...

On a day she was killed, the man found a poetry book that she left for him as a birthday present. There was a bookmark in it. It was marking a poem that she dedicated for him: "When the morning comes, I will leave...to the kingdom I've never seen... and when I come back, I will tell you how it is" (the words are not precise, just a recollection).

And then a stork flew inside his yard and then flew just beside his windows... And two storks were flying in circles up in the sky when she was being burried..when her body was being returned to the Earth... Storks - as a symbols of life, birth or reincarnation...

Last books she gave for him to read were "When Nietzsche cried" and "Life continues", that meant a message for him "Why cry, life continues..."

There was something in this story and in that man's voice, his trembling hands when he spoke about her that gave me that feeling of approaching some matrix of life... feeling its majesty..without being capable to understand it and put it in words. As well as some very weird shiver inside, drawing parallels with my life - stoping my business, love of white colour, having attraction to the sky...puting stone assemblage in our land...though I am not going to the mountains any time soon. When I told about this weirdness to my sister, she gave me a wise reply - "It was her scenario of passing away. Yours is different".

It all made me think about what we call fate, made me think about living our lives (this, passed and future, as I do believe in reincarnation), about people we meet on our way - why we meet certain people in our lives - souls we already knew in our previous life times and finding them in this life time in one way or another...

One book has been revolving in my mind for the last half a year - "Two lives" by Concordia Antarova. I've read this book when I was a teenager... And after that conversation, I couldn't stop thinking about it again... I bought it for myself and for him - as a present. A book that approaches you even closer to the matrix of Life, soul wanders and the bigest findings...

Still feel like having my fingers on the wrist of Life, sensing its majestical pulsation...

P.S. I've always loved white...but I've always been a witch in my heart who has a connection with the world of Unseen...